Over the years, I have worked with hundreds of couples seeking to improve their relationship. There are several common behaviors that prevent a relationship from being the best it can be. Letting go of the following, will allow your relationship to flourish and grow:
Give up blame. There are many things going on in a good relationship, but there is only one thing going on in a bad relationship. Blame. People often get trapped in the “blame game,” spending time pointing out or dwelling on their partner’s flaws. This will always lead to unhappiness in a relationship. Instead of wasting time focused on what the other person is doing wrong, look at where you might make some improvements. Stop blaming and work on improving yourself.
Give up the need to be right. Can you remember the “romance phase” of your relationship and how kind you were to one another? Back then, you did not care about being right, you primarily cared about making the other person feel loved and cared for. Give up the need to be right and to prove your point. Instead, choose to be loving and supportive. People who are in a healthy relationship are polite and kind to each other, and don’t need to be right.
Give up criticism. Give up the need to criticize what your partner does or does not do. Instead start appreciating all the good qualities your partner displays. Remember the things about your partner that made you so attracted to them in the first place.
Give up control. The more you try to control your partner, the more you will push them away. People are not meant to be controlled, they are meant to be loved. Control and manipulation always create resentment. Give up control and allow the person you love to be who they are and not who you need them to be.
Give up unrealistic expectations. No relationship is perfect. No person is perfect. Don’t view relationship as a beautiful basket full of everything you have always longed for. View relationship for what it is – an empty basket where you put into it all the things that you want to take out. Relationships take work – a lot of work. If you want love, trust, happiness, support and kindness, YOU must put it in the basket. Relationships don’t work unless you do.
For more information please visit Jupiter Community Counseling or call (561) 748-1244